Wednesday, 24 September 2014

iOS 9 (months)

Never mind your phone's new operating system, my BABY just got a software update that I didn't even get a choice in downloading.

Here's a quick run down of the features of my new and so-called 'improved' iOS 9 month baby.

Charging time

Gone are the days of 3 charging sessions a day, when the darling thing powered down to re-charge. Updated iOS 9 babies can charge for as little as 20 minutes and wake up ready to run a marathon. This is exhausting for owners but somewhat more convenient than having to schedule your entire life around endless charging.

"zzzzzzzzzzz.... HIYA!"

The iOS 9 has introduced a large selection of new audio outputs.
No longer content with a selection of 3 cries to signify hunger, tiredness and general discontent, you can now enjoy:

  • shouting, 
  • yelling, 
  • 'singing' (like yelling only happier and in response to music), 
  • 'talking' (saying dadadada, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, lalalalala and t-t-t-t-t-t-t but notably NOT mama) 
  • and my favourite, the blood curdling scream. 

Thursday, 4 September 2014

18 things parents think about other people having babies

Here's what I feel when I learn that a close friend or relative is expecting their first baby.

1. Yay! What lovely happy news. A baby! How brilliant. I'm so happy for them!

2. Awww man. I want a baby! When can we have another one?

3. Squeeee! Cute little baby hats! I'm going to buy it a hat. Baby hats are the bomb. And a blanket. I love baby blanket shopping.

4. Oh look, a scan picture. A poor quality image, identical to all other 12 week scans since the dawn of time. Ahem, I mean "WOW! Isn't it clear? Look it's got a cute little nose!"

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Toddler Fashion 101

This post is a competition entry. The competition is being run by BrummyMummyof2 in association with Debenhams and the winner will be whoever's child makes the best "dream school uniform" from the Debenham's kids range. 

The rules state you only have £100 of pretend Debenhams vouchers in pretend dream outfit land but that was just the right amount for the boy. Pretend shops are his favourite place in the world so this was an easy task for us. 

Unfortunately in our pretend shop land everything usually costs "one pound" and 9 out of 10 times...
"the shop doesn't have that pacoz da beez eated it ALL UP". 

But once we got over these minor hurdles, choosing a dream outfit was easy. 

First up:
"I need big boy pants pacoz I'm a BIG BOY". (Yes, when excited, he shouts the last 2 words of every sentence, for emphasis) He chose these Mr Men pants despite never having watched it nor being potty trained. 

Monday, 14 July 2014

Hey, trollers, leave us blogs alone!

(To the tune of "another brick in the wall"..... Obviously)

Dear readers of online content who leave nasty, personal, hurtful and unnecessary comments on blogs,

Blogging is a lot of different things to different people. It can be a job, a hobby, a creative outlet or a form of socialising. 

For me, it's a hobby. I love my blog. It acts as a diary of the early life of my children. It keeps my mind active in an otherwise toddler-centric world. It makes me laugh, and occasionally makes a few other people laugh. Most of all, it gives me something to do that makes me feel like ME, not like "Mummy". Very occasionally it reaches a wide audience and gives me a small feeling of accomplishment. 

Wednesday, 2 July 2014

10 Things Children's Nurses Wish Parents Knew About Hospital

Being in hospital with your child is a terrifying and horrible time. As children's nurses, we try our best to make the experience as easy as possible for the whole family, but here's a list of things that might help nurses to help you!

1. Throwing nappies away messes up our day!

Please do change your child's nappy while they're in hospital but please don't throw the dirty nappies away!
We might have to keep a fluid balance, which means measuring all fluid going in to and coming out of your child. We weigh nappies to measure urine output and one lost nappy really messes up our numbers (and makes our charts look messy!)
Also nothing pleases us more than looking at and smelling poo. A quick sniff of a dodgy looking nappy can usually tell you if it's "antibiotics causing loose stools" or "quick isolate this infectious patient stat". And without seeing the poo, how could we grade it on the Bristol Stool Chart?! 
(This is an actual chart we use...)